An Ineffectual Truth: Aliens are Real




I feel like the average normal person goes through certain levels of changes in their beliefs, as in what's real and what's not, like ghosts,  Mickey Mouse, green cats, etc... One day you realize wrestling is fake, the next day Santa's not real and at some point in high school God dies. Sometimes he comes back -- but what gets lost in between Santa and God for me was the belief of aliens. Once I was convinced that everything we were being told was a lie, younger me let that include the science fiction hippie belief of aliens and never looked back. 

As it turned out, I guess I did look back (I sort of go back and forth on everything) and eventually decided aliens were real. That doesn't mean I believe in the abominable snowman or ghosts or anything, but aliens from outer space in big ships that look like monsters are real. And yes, because of this fact life is more like a movie than we all thought and there's serious shit going on everywhere besides earth. It even sort of has the potential of broadening one's horizons on the universe, because  infinite space is real and sounds far but when you throw aliens in the mix it twists your concept of reality and the origin of life like a yogurt dipped pretzel.

That doesn't mean we're going to heaven or anything changes in the Atheist Army rules or whatever, but real life space creatures with their own governments and history and starcruisers are way more intriguing than a bridge conspiracy or war in Ukraine. The problem is all that stuff is in your face, happening on TV and so: obviously not made up. Given half the country still thinks aliens are fake, you still find when asked for an opinion lots of people just make a weak smile and say "I don't know I just need more evidence." In case that half of us stumbles onto this post, here's an overly detailed analysis of evidence available online that I examined thoroughly and in a book I totally read all of. So unless you want to look silly then just listen to me get stupid serious for a second and explain why there's every reason to believe.




First of all, who the hell do you think you are assuming we're the only intelligent living things in this universe? With seven billion or so opinionated ants roaming this planet driving drunk and intermixing with each other faster than a hungry cheetah could eat Oscar Pistorius, do you really find it surprising other flesh vegetables have popped up on places besides earth? We know nothing about the place we live in; people everywhere worship colorful gods and stories because in the grand scope of things even great humans have their primitive beliefs. I had a co-worker once who stuck a sandwich wrapped in tinfoil into the microwave that almost caused a fire, but you know what? She'll probably successfully produce a few healthy kids that will have healthy dumb kids of their own. One of the great things about life is how it can exist both as something that seems extremely rare and magical but also effortless. For scientists trying to calculate the size of space, the job is basically a work in progress for what seems like the rest of eternity, unless you assume there's some Christopher Columbus era style edge of the universe where you'll fall off and die.


Not Pictured: A Neverending Space Jungle or "Everything Else"


Like I said I'm pretty skeptical about things. There won't even be a joke inserted here about how skeptical I am because you know what? I'm not convinced the joke will go over well in explaining my skepticism so there won't even be one. I'm a hard sell.  You can never really get a clear answer about our world because we'll never explore it in our lifetime or be able to measure it with a stick. Based on my scientific research though there seems to be room for anything. Maybe I'm just a glass half full of alien life kind of guy.  I once asked famed skeptic and magician Penn of Penn & Teller why they never did an episode of Penn & Teller: Bullshit! dedicated to the existence of UFOs/extraterrestrials and he said something along of the lines of "because we don't know what's going on billions of light years away."

You can't, but people will drive themselves crazy trying to anyway. The UFO subculture is one where it's members are usually extremely passionate about their favorite subject but are also as equally divided as to what they believe is going on -- both from a general origin/existence of aliens perspective and also a whodunnit government conspiracy perspective. There are guys like Philip Klass; a colorful aviation engineer turned UFO investigator who was notorious for obsessively talking shit and sniffing out fakes while at the same time cooking up his own scientific explanations of extraterrestrials, or boring everyman military types like Colonel John B. Alexander, author of the book I had mentioned that I read all of, UFOs: Myths, Conspiracies and Realities. Colonel Alexander also had a history of being in deep with the military and having an interest in weird shit. Because of this background and general long list of connections, in the 1980's he was given the duty of creating a task force of government officials and other people in those circles, i.e. high level defense contractors, lawyers, indian chiefs... with the sole purpose of doing an internal affairs type investigation of the military they worked for to see if any programs existed within the government that may be covering up and/or focusing on the subject of UFOs. I feel like that's as close to a real life Agent Mulder you can get.


Still waiting for evil Men In Black to come back in style

In the book he describes how his task force of high security heavy hitters found absolutely nothing. I know that sounds like a spoiler but he spends an entire book explaining one thing, and that's how they did not find a conspiracy to cover up a UFO or black ops underground alien laboratory keeping Martians alive on life support and why you should believe him. Instead they just got individual reports of sightings from different soldiers about stuff they saw but nothing officially to do with any branch of the military becoming involved in any sort of cover up. Colonel Alexander is consistently taken on by ufologists (worst word ever) who immediately call bullshit on his story as a cover-up itself or just a huge fail perpetrated by the government on their own guys.

As the skeptical believer I've described to you, I mostly believe in their findings. The author goes into great detail explaining how getting money from the government to fund anything is a pain in the ass, so subjects like this that could sound silly and fuck up somebody's political career in the Army and otherwise weren't on a short list for funding. One government involved incident that kind of bugs me is the Roswell crash, which a lot of skeptics destroy. If you go and look at all the quotes from farmers and witnesses though it definitely sounded like something shady was going on, or maybe I'm just both skeptical and paranoid ("So you're trying to tell me my cat ISN'T trying to poison me? I dunno.") It's just hard to tell among all the old information that was put together somewhat haphazardly if Roswell was just a weather balloon or if some people really did hold weird sheets of an aluminum-like substance that bent itself back into shape. Besides this story that I can't pass complete judgement on, the argument presented in the UFOS: Myths, Conspiracies and Realities is very believable without at all sacrificing good reasons to believe in intelligent alien life.






The nail in the E.T. skeptic coffin you cant deny are the thousands of modern day UFO witnesses who simply can't all be making it up. There's no monetary gain unless you're some pathetic asshole who wants to dedicate his whole life to lying, writing books and working it, so when thousands of everyday people start telling crazy similar accounts it starts to sound real.

There are two UFO sightings I always bring up to people when I've cornered somebody at a party into conversation, the first is the story of a sighting in Southern Illinois, circa year 2000. Police were dispatched after the owner of a miniature golf course reported seeing what sounded like a space ship hovering around his business late at night. He hightailed it to the police station and officers were dispatched and also witnessed the flying object traveling slowly and soundlessly about "1,500 feet in the air." One of the officers managed to take a fuzzy Polaroid:





Yes I know this picture doesn't technically show shit but think about it! Do you really think some random cops who don't know each other and a motherfuckin mini golf course owner of all things are going to concoct this story or mistake a spaceship for something OTHER THAN a spaceship that just so happens to be taking a little cruise for air in the middle of the air in the middle of the night? The answer is no, they wouldn't all magically concoct the story like con men without a cause, they definitely saw something. And due to my distrust for other men and people in general, I typically don't believe anything I'm told, but random cops from Illinois and mini golf course owners are more likely to be boring and not crazy statistically.

Then there's the Phoenix Lights. Most people who show an interest in reading or watching TV shows about this topic know exactly what I'm talking about but I'm always surprised it's not more of a widespread piece of mainstream chatter or movie subject. In 1997, a V-shaped UFO reportedly the size of a 747 slowly passed over Phoenix and was witnessed by thousands of people, including Arizona's then governor between the hours of 7:30 and 8:30pm. With 1997 being a more modern time period than Roswell, reports were more specific and coherent and yes, people had video cameras. The first video is a good shot of it but with no sound:




The second is a classic home video with a less advantaged view but real people seeing something probably from another planet audio commentary:




This is the kind of real life true as shit sighting I feel is the proof in the pudding that speaks for itself. No it's not day time but if aliens are zipping around the universe and visiting other planets, I wouldn't rule out them figuring it's best to come at night. Why they would hover slowly over a large populated area at that time is beyond me but that's less the point. The point is monsters and strange life forms exist in the real world of all kinds. Whether it be billions of years ago in the form of dinosaurs, thousands of feet down in the deep sea where multicolored and eyed fish straight out of horror movies lurk and probably in unknown distances from here in various directions in our outer space, extraterrestrials live. Of course with an average lifespan of 70 years, it's not really that important to people like us. We wont at this point live long enough to see humans getting a grasp on interstellar travel and therefore, possible relations with aliens and such. But while we are here,  it cant hurt to wonder about the other possibly intelligent lifeforms outside of earth we share this existence with.








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