Slipshod Armistice Rave

As America veers further and further away from the post World War II model superpower that it once was and further and further into a drama-prone/has-been country with massive debt and unemployment problems for the world to the obsess over, you've probably heard some dark shit about society melting down or huge food shortage and class wars causing collapse of social order, death, explosions, et cetera. Whether it's gangsta rap, neo-nazi skinheads, Marilyn Manson or George Bush, any time the price of oil shifts in this country suddenly some asshole in line at the DMV starts running their mouth about how everyone's in for some shit and we all deserve it.

The truth is real large scale wars between superpowers are over and for the most part we as a modern, functioning country are entirely safe. I don't think World War III is ever going to happen, I don't think the system is going to fail and I don't think the cushy 90's existence America and other less caveman-like countries have laid the groundwork for in the last 60 years or so is ever going to die in our lifetime. We live in a society where the last real war we've been involved in was the shoving match known as the Cold War, where the only real conflicts we deal with are on TV, happening in other countries to paid soldiers or your occasional unwavering terrorist attacks.  Obviously when the Twin Towers went down, people were wavered, and for good reason. But seriously, how much more not involved could we have been with the 9/11 attacks? I've never been to Afghanistan before, have you? I don't at all believe there was a conspiracy but if in 2002 they were like "it turns out the pilots of all three planes were androids built by Haliburton" I just wouldnt be all that surprised. It's not like terrorist attacks are safe, fun or ironically funny, they're just always loaded with bullshit feelings that have nothing to do with us, plus, you're a million times more likely to kill yourself in a drunk driving accident or die of cancer than be killed in a terrorist attack.

Hipsters and other miscleanous bored people in the early 2000s loved pointing out how everybody in the world hates America but have you ever really thought about that? Everybody hates us? Damn, that's almost kind of upsetting. Luckily the society I grew up in has lots of educated, nice people with good intentions who taught me a long time ago not to judge a book by it's cover and, more importantly, anyone who does is a fucking douchebag. Even if they do hate us; it's definitely that curiousity/jealousy hatred people typically have for those they don't know and arent involved with. It's armchair hate, but as long as said people can use their DVR box from said armchair, we're safe. I mean, even not fucking with us directly from the arm chair might get you screwed, look at that Gaddafi motherfucker.

That guy was at the G-8 Summit and everything dressed full in multi-colored, early 90s Libyan rapper gear, not packing a single A-Bomb in his arsenal to get us but the second he was called out for being a crazy, violent, very caveman-like piece of shit to his people; the powers that be sent flying robots after him and didn't stop until he was caught, roughed up, briefly sodomized and then killed by Libyan rebels. I know in little countries and towns across the globe where shit like this stems people are still dumb as shit and not quite sophisticated, but even some of those people know what good fast food is. And that's what this is all about, everybody being informed and on the same level with access to the same greasy, awesome shit. Right now we're just sort of scraping the top of the good stuff, and I think for the most part everybody knows if we just chill the fuck out and dont kill each other, everybody can get a KFC in their town, even if it's in China. The only thing anybody legitimate fucking with each other is going to do is keep fried chicken out of shitloads of valid customer's mouths, keep more people out of jobs who work for KFC and throw a huge wrench into the corporate fat cats plans who create said jobs, thus fucking our whole system up. 

I know that may sound a little fucky, but as time goes on and with things like the Internet and people letting Kim Kardashian get famous for no reason other than being beautiful/rich/shooting a sex tape for the world to see, you can tell nobody really feels like dropping nukes on each other. It makes sense to be scared of the wrong people having WMDs and the stock market crashing and stuff but there's really nothing to worry about from a kill or be killed standpoint. Whether your like it or not, society has softened up for the most part. This is A-O.K. though, because so has the rest of the world that actually matters. In the old days, you might be able to convince thousands of people in your country that another country was worth attacking because maybe there were real food shortages or threats of annihilation or something legitimate. Today, we have advanced agricultural methods developed by scientists and shit to pretty much ensure nobody's going to fucking starve to death anytime soon  (besides those actually starving to death in some shitty places). And have you heard of the Internet? It makes life so much better and not worth freaking out over you would think people would have formed some sort of wacky religion around it by now; I guess they were probably just too busy/informed with all that free knowledge and Internet porn to do such a thing. Even a homeless family of four in this country can still walk into a public library, locate a Salvation Army or possibly various other organizations for help and actually get it, and that's some serious shit. Can the Salvation Army replace your dad's job? No. Can the public library give you place to sleep at night? No, but the Salvation Army can and usually the public library makes for a cleanish, violence-free place to freshen up and I hear it's even full of books too.

Obviously we're at an awkward, early point in our lives right now as a country; where we're still trying to figure out where Mexicans fit in and how much free shit we're supposed to give out to lazy people. There are a lot of problems to solve but look at any history book and find me some utopia that hasent had it's problems. I mean shit, dude, we're the fuckin' Free World. No matter where we're at, it's still 100x better than where we could be.  Eventually, this whole economic crisis/evil politician clusterfuck thing will run it's course and those lazy people will finally get tired of the shitty options food stamps becomes limited to, they'll climb their 43 year old ass up the ladder at their local Arby's and start buying shit and being happy. The Internet will get cooler and people in America will fuck more and races will mix and boundaries will blend and dissapear and in 30 years the thought of sending people to fight insurgents just so they can go to college and make decent money will seem so stupid maybe someone might send a flying robot to shoot your ass over it, or whatever the fuck they're using in 30 years.

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